Mother's Day

Phone calls.  They have changed my life.  Mother's Day - a day that I struggle with every year, even after I became a mother.

It was such a whirlwind.  We got a phone call on a Wednesday night, saying to be ready in case we were chosen.  On Thursday morning, we got another phone call - it was us!  We were chosen to be parents to a baby girl that had been born a couple of days ago.

Of course, it happened at the worst possible time.  Things like this always do.  I was a high school choir teacher, and the phone call came in the middle of a dress rehearsal for our winter concert - to be held that night.  Steve was in the middle of finals week during a particularly busy semester as a Master's Degree student at Ohio State.

We rushed to the hospital as soon as my concert was over, but visiting hours were over, and I couldn't meet my baby girl.  I sobbed all night.  The next day was spent rushing to put things in order - finding a long-term substitute so I could stay home for a few weeks with my baby - born 5 weeks early.  Of course, I also had to take my choir kids on a field trip that day :)

We rushed back to the hospital as soon as the last bell rang, and finally we met her.  Our precious Lydia.  I fell in love immediately and couldn't stop holding her.  I reluctantly passed her over to my husband occasionally, but we had waited for so long.....

Lydia has grown into such a beautiful young lady.  She is smart and funny and creative, and every day I marvel that I was chosen to be her mom.

Except, I don't know why - but it hit me pretty hard this year on Mother's Day.  I am not this little girl's first mother.  I've known this, and Lydia knows she is adopted.  We are very open about this with her.

We never met Lydia's birth mother.  She chose to have a closed adoption.  We wanted to respect her wishes.

My happiness at becoming a mother surely meant there was sadness and grieving on the part of another.  I can't even begin to imagine what this other woman went through - the months of growing another human being inside of her, feeling her kick and move, to know that she would not parent this child.  I don't know her name or what she's doing right now, but I say a prayer of gratitude for her every day.  I'm not sure exactly why she chose adoption for this child, why she felt she couldn't parent her, but I am grateful.  I hope that she knows how much she has changed my life.  I hope that she feels peace with her decision.  I hope she feels of God's love for her.  I hope she has found happiness and comfort.

Today, I sat in church, listening to the wonderful messages about motherhood and womanhood.  I looked across the room to a couple I love and respect that have just become parents for the first time after years of unanswered questions and sorrows, and my heart went out to them.  I looked at more of my friends, some who have biological children, some who have adopted children, and some who don't have children, and for some reason, just got emotional - thinking about the love that God has for His daughters.  He has blessed us with the capacity to love and nurture His children, whether they are ours biologically or not.  So many women have influenced me in my life - and not all of them mothers.

When my daughter comes to me for comfort, for tickles, for help with a problem - all of these things that so many take for granted - I say a prayer of gratitude to my Father in Heaven that I have a child. I say a prayer for Lydia's first mom, who sacrificed so much for this child to have a life that she couldn't provide, for whatever reasons.

A couple of years ago, I posted on another blog why Mother's Day is so hard for me.  My feelings haven't changed on that.  You can find that here:  http://steveandjayleneadopt.blogspot.com/2015/05/why-i-lovehate-mothers-day.html